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zarzaputchel
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Name: Elin
Country: United States
State: Minnesota
Metro: St. Paul
Birthday: 11/22/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: boys and the pursuit thereof (heh), trying new foods, cd's, local music. girls' night out is always a good time, too, as is girls' night in.
Expertise: sleeping, Spanish, flirting *wink*, avoiding the telephone like the plague, piano, making to-do lists, getting stomped on continually by others, and being picked up again by my girls.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  belloza8407
Member Since:
11/23/2004
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| today i took my niece to see the Titanic exhibit at the science museum. this excursion has been long-awaited, for both of us, and it was super-fun. when you enter the exhibit, you are given a boarding pass, on which is the identity of an actual passenger, including reason for travel and a tidbit of information about her/his life.
i was Maria Josefa Perez de Soto y Vallejo, from Madrid. my husband, Victor, and i were finishing up our two-year honeymoon with an impromptu trip on the Titanic. his mother had warned us about taking the trip by sea, because it was bad luck. to fool everyone, we left our butler in Paris to send pre-written letters back to them in Spain, while we were at sea.
at the end of the exhibit, there is a complete list of all passengers and crew, divided into survivors and non-survivors.
i survived, but my husband did not. i found my husband's name first, among those who died, and i found myself caring less about whether or not i survived myself; i was half-hoping that my name would be next to his. but it was not, and when i read my name i wished that i hadn't been in that list. an overwhelming swell of sadness and sense of loss came over me, and i found that strange; i had so taken on this identity on a 4x6 notecard that i felt real grief.
this is the closest i've ever come to "understanding" (whatever that means) the acute loss of a mass tragedy. for many people, 9/11 is the definition of tragedy, and indeed it is terrible. but i didn't feel any personal loss or sadness; it was more formal than that, more corporate. same with the 35W bridge collapse, and columbine, and katrina, and the oklahoma city bombing; i felt sad that those things happened, and compassion for those affected, but it wasn't personal.
i am so blessed to be in that position. to not know what it's like to lose someone to terrorism, to faulty construction, or even to natural disasters, is, i think, a rare, cushioned place to be.
that's all i have for today...not sure what that means, or if it even means anything. i don't think it has to.
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| i love minnesota. i really do. i grew up in st paul, and will always, always be a st paulie girl.
but why, minnesota, must you plague me with such sad weather in the winter months? i don't mind that it's cold, or even up to my eyeballs in snow, or that the ice on my car can render me unable to get into my car and get to work. i really don't.
it's the clouds that get me. they have arrived now, and they will not leave until probably april. sun, i miss you already.
i feel rather akin to laura ingalls wilder, circa the long winter. maybe this means i'll meet my almanzo.
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| this past wednesday i was at work, at my bagel shop job. i like it there, and i've been there for just over a year, so the regulars know me, at least my face, and most have some knowledge about my educational achievements. they at least know that i've been in school this time around, working hard to pay bills and rent and everything, and they know that i have bigger dreams than making cream cheese and toasting bagels for the rest of my life.
so on wednesday, this woman comes in--she comes in every single morning, without fail, unless she has the day off--and she and i are chatting about school. i tell her that "i actually just accepted a position, and, while not full-time, it's the position that i want and for right now, that's good for me." she responded, "oh, but you'll still be here, right?" here's where the confusion began. see, i thought she was trying to say that she'd miss me if i were to leave, that the other people would be lucky to have me.
no.
she continued, "because i honestly just can't see how church music could ever be a full-time position. i mean, we have good music at my church, but i really don't think it would take more that 32 hours for that. i mean, really!" then she looked at me like i was supposed to agree with her and say, "why, yes, that's exactly right! what idiot would ever go to school for an entire degree in that field, let alone make it the second round of post-secondary eduacation! that's just nonsense, and clearly church music isn't that hard, and any congregation that is paying anyone a full-time salary is getting ripped off, because the music director is working for an hour then off at the spa for 39 every week."
lady, please do not tell me that my bachelor's degree is only worth a part-time position. do not place limitations on my marketablity and value to the music world. can you play an 8-page piano solo by robert schumann? can you approach a massive pipe organ and not only not be scared of it, but also have an idea of what stops to use to make it sound good? can you then sit at that organ and coordinate your feet and hands without always having to look to see the pedals? can you look at a choral score and, without hearing or playing it, have an idea of what it sounds like and evaluate whether or not it would be appropriate for your choir? can you lead a 2 hour choir rehearsal for people who mostly don't know much about music, and help them understand it in a way that makes sense to them without making them feel stupid for not knowing? can you write a trumpet descant to enhance a hymn? can you work with musicians of all ages and skill level, and make them feel like an important and vital part of the service? can you write that service and plan out the hymns? can you teach a congregation new songs and introduce them to new ideas without scaring them? and can you jump into such a position with your entire being, because this isn't just about a job, it's about people's spiritual health and faith life?
i can. i can, and i do, and i do it well. lady with the toasted multi-grain with butter and large iced latte with two shots of espresso, until you can do those things, you aren't allowed to tell me how important my work is.
i won't let you.
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| since my last post. weird. but, having connected with someone who(m?) i would not have met if not for xanga, i felt the need for a small tribute.
*throws a parade*
there. thanks, xanga. 
today will be a great day. even if last night wasn't so hot...my roomie found his stolen car, but that's another post entirely...today is already wonderful. i woke up warm and cuddly in my bed, and didn't have anywhere to be. it's lovely when a person can just relax in the mornings. yes. got up, made coffee, and looked in the mirror to discover that today is also a fabulous hair day. i slept on it wet, which makes it all curly and bouncy, and since it's FINALLY starting to get a little chilly outside, it's not out of control.
the rest of my day will be putting away laundry, finishing choir stuff, and organizing my life a little bit. then handbell ensemble tonight, which is the best part.  the only crimp will be when i have to call qwest and fight with them about their stupidity and inform them that i, in fact, will NOT be paying $100 a month for internet, especially since i was locked into a $40 price for life contract AND was without internet for 3 weeks because they didn't believe me that i moved. *glowers*
maybe i will do that tomorrow. i don't want to wreck today. instead, i will go for a walk, because i have the good fortune of living a block away from summit avenue, and, as everyone in st paul knows, that's prime. hee. summit+fall=magnificent.
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| recently, my friend Jon's grandpa passed away. this got me thinking about one year ago, when my own grandpa passed, and what all was going on in my life at that time. things have changed a lot. last year at this time, i thought i might be married right now. now i realize that there is no way i could handle that quite yet. last year, i still loved to play the piano. now i think of myself as primarily an organist, and hate my piano teacher. this is actually surprising difficult for me to consider. last year i had all the time in the world before i graduated. now i feel like i'm running out of time. last year, i saw myself as exocentric (that is, thinking about others. not sure if that's a word. heh). now i think i'm pretty selfish. no judgment there, just how it is. last year i thought of myself as a good kid. now many of the choices i make aren't so great. last year year i thought my sister would have had a baby by now. instead, she's gone through lots and lots of fertility crap. no baby yet. last year, i detested adam's ex. now she's become one of the best therapies and listeners for me. i wonder what kind of weird and different stuff will happen for me in this year. | | |
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